How Self-Compassion Rewires the Brain and Builds Resilience During Times of Struggle
Sitting in front of the mirror, I became both the artist and muse. Brushing the bronzer across my cheekbones, painting warmth onto a living canvas. Tracing my lashes with mascara and my eyes with eyeliner, framing the windows to my soul in black trim. I took the rollers out of my hair one by one and watched my curls fall and cascade around my shoulders like a dark waterfall. Looking like the women that came before me.
I smile at the mirror in what feels like weeks, leaning in my reflection. Not to critique but to admire. Seeing the woman who is going through a period of struggle, but still dares to adorn herself with tenderness.
When we want change in our life, we often look towards our career, health, environment or relationships with others. But I wonder if we ever truly stop to consider the relationship that we have with ourselves. Or the words that we say to ourselves.
We can be often be our own worst enemies. Criticism is necessary for growth, but constant harsh self criticism stops us from moving forward.
The issue with harsh self criticism
When and where did we learn that shame and talking down to ourselves was a useful way to promote positive change? I recently got off my routine and my first instinct was to start my usual tirade of “I’ve been so lazy lately” or “I f*cked up so bad so just forget it.”
But berating yourself after a short lapse can increase rumination and shame. This actually consumes mental energy and can trigger avoidance. You avoid what is painful. You procrastinate, distract yourself, or even continue the pattern because your brain wants to escape the discomfort of criticism. And studies actually link self critical rumination with higher levels of shame and stress.
When you criticize yourself harshly, your brain interprets it as a threat. This triggers the amygdala, a component of the limbic system that is primarily tied to the regulation of our emotions, especially when it relates to fear, stress and pleasure. This sets off a fight or flight response.
Self compassion soothes perceived threats and stress and also gives you motivation for action by lowering the emotional charge that can keep us stuck.
Now I’m not saying that we can’t be honest with ourselves about the part that we may play in our own struggles or tough moments. But there are healthier and more effective ways to do so.
SELF COMPASSION > HARSH SELF CRITICISM (the neuroscience)
A study in the Elsevier journal defines self compassion as “an emotionally positive self attitude in the face of one’s suffering.” And as Kristin Neff explains, it involves three components: self kindness, recognition of common humanity or understanding that all people make mistakes and struggle, and mindfulness. Keep this at the forefront of your mind as you read on.
Self compassion soothes perceived threats and stress and also gives you motivation for action by lowering the emotional charge that can keep us stuck.
There was another study that showed (literally via neuroimaging) how self criticism activates the brain differently than self reassurance and compassion. Self criticism activates dorsal anterior cingulate and lateral prefrontal regions, which links harsh self criticism to error monitoring and threat circuits. Self compassion, on the other hand, engages left temporal pole and insula activation and these regions are more associated with empathy.
Basically, harsh criticism keeps our brain hypervigilant while compassion activates more calming and empathetic processing that actually enables repair and learning.
When your nervous system feels less threatened, your prefrontal cortex can better do its job and this means better executive function. This is especially helpful for my people with ADHD. Making plans, switching tasks and practicing the deliberate control and discipline needed to restart a routine are examples of what your brain can help you do if you work with it.
Harsh self judgment keeps the prefrontal cortex functioning limited but rumination high which makes restarting much harder.
HOW TO PRACTICE SELF COMPASSION IN REAL TIME
One of the simplest yet most transformative ways to practice self-compassion is to start small.
I mean literally just placing your hand over your heart or belly for 20 seconds and reminding yourself you’re doing your best while gently affirming kind thoughts. Research shows that even a gesture as simple as this can lower stress hormones like cortisol and signal safety to your nervous system.
Pair it with mindfulness by noticing when a cruel thought emerges and gently reframing it. Studies show that mindfulness strengthens the prefrontal cortex and insular regions, the parts of your brain that help with balance and emotional regulation.
Eventually, this kindness turns on your brain’s caregiving systems and releases oxytocin and dopamine. These are the same chemicals that activate when you feel safe with someone you love. They also help to calm the brain’s threat response and foster a sense of safety and warmth.
Neuroscience also tells us that practicing self compassion meditation for as little as six to eight weeks can shift the brain’s default wiring away from criticism and toward kinder, more balanced self-talk.
If you want to take it deeper, slowing your breathing and relaxing your posture can bring your brain into a relaxed, receptive rhythm creating the ideal brainwave environment for rewiring.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
A gentle rhythm could be a daily 20-second pause to return to yourself, a few mindful breaths and gentle words in moments of stress, and a weekly practice of compassion that roots you deeper into your own softness. With time, you begin to nurture a brain that responds to challenges with kindness instead of criticism. Self-criticism can never give you that.
LEAVING YOU WITH THIS…
Every stumble is not proof of your weakness, it is simply proof of your humanity. Self compassion is a scared resource that we can default to when we do. Choose compassion over criticism the next time you stumble, and watch how every future setback will become fuel for your strength and persistence.
References
Guan F, Liu G, Pedersen WS, Chen O, Zhao S, Sui J, Peng K. Neurostructural correlates of dispositional self-compassion. Neuropsychologia. 2021 Sep 17;160:107978. doi: 10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2021.107978. Epub 2021 Jul 30. PMID: 34339716.
Kamal H, Mitchell O, O'Doherty C, Delaney L, O'Connor M, O'Hora E, Kelly L, Connaughton M, Roddy DW, Behan C. The neuroscience of compassion: a scoping review of the literature on the neuroscience of compassion and compassion-related therapies. Ir J Psychol Med. 2025 Mar 25:1-9. doi: 10.1017/ipm.2025.7. Epub ahead of print. PMID: 40129410.
Stutts L. Increasing Self-Compassion: Review of the Literature and Recommendations. J Undergrad Neurosci Educ. 2022 Jun 1;20(2):A115-A119. doi: 10.59390/WSZK3327. PMID: 38323068; PMCID: PMC10653232.